Sweden!

I'm lying on an orange velvet lounge watching the evening sky over Umeå.

We've been staying in a city apartment above a shopping centre called Utopia. Almost 2 weeks have passed since see first arrived (amongst tears and hugs) to see our beautiful daughter. 

She has been living in Umeå for just over a year. I'm so proud of her bravery and sense of adventure! To move to a foreign land ( and not speak their language initially) was an incredible thing to do! 

We love this country too - it's beauty and history. Next time I'll write about the aurora - magical and awesome hardly begin to describe what we saw!

My moon child

On this day, 40 years ago, I became a mother for the first time. The arrival of my baby girl at 10 minutes to midnight, heralded the start of a whole new life - and the beginning of a whole new me.

 I was new mum living in a small central Queensland town,  far from family and friends. It was a tough gig. I was so young and had no idea what I was doing! My husband at the time knew even less than me!

When all else failed, I would breast feed my beautiful baby girl. That I could do - it came easily to me. (Little did I know then that I would be breast feeding for around 16 years of my life!!)

What an amazing little girl we'd produced. She was sweet, kind, sensitive, loved animals, books and pretending. From an early age her drawings were exceptional.

And today she is 40. How did so much time go by so quickly? 

Now she has teenagers of her own. My girl is still sweet, kind, an animal lover and now runs a successful business using her exceptional creativity. 

I am so proud of her.

And what about me? Well, I'm older - and hopefully a bit wiser. My daughter has taught me to love unconditionally, to be there but not to be overbearing, to be supportive when it's needed and to give space when required. 

Our children come through us, not from us.  They are who they are right from the moment of birth. 

Motherhood has made me both softer and harder. It's made me strong but vulnerable. The depth of love that we feel for our kids is sometimes so painful. We know they'll never love us the way we love them - and neither should they. 

Our children  create their own masterpiece - themselves. We have the privilege of watching and loving the artist at work.

Letting go

 

I have always struggled with forgiveness - towards my self and others. I think the core of unforgiveness is not being able to let go.

Letting go is scary because hanging on to all that perceived wrong doing has become so much a part of who I am.

I read recently that forgiveness is like a spiral. We forgive, then something happens to remind us of our experience and the spiral takes us right back to where we were before.

I made some poor decisions a very long time ago that impact my life in so many ways to this day.

Forgiving that naive young woman is really hard. I sometimes imagine going back in time as my middle aged self and giving young me a huge hug. I'd look into the unlined eyes of young Lizzie and tell her that I love her and that I understand why she's chosen this path - and that I forgive her for the pain up ahead.

Young me made a decision based on values I held back then. Yet I know deep inside there was a voice ( future me?) trying to get through to me - a voice I rationalized away...

A beautiful brave friend tried to give me a reality check but I became defensive and angry.

Being constantly weighed down by guilt is no way to live. It stifles my energy, interferes with my sleep, zaps my creativity and keeps me chained to the past.

The unforgiveness I harbour towards close family also causes pain and angst. Can I apply the same strategy when it comes to those close to me, who have hurt and wounded me?

If I can let go and forgive myself surely I can then release those who I feel  ' owe' me something?

How would it feel to truly let go? What would my life look like? I'd really like to find out...

Like & Love...

It's the first of January 2020!! A whole new year ahead - a whole new bloody decade!!

We were lucky enough to see the New Year in with my extra special sister/friend and her partner. I had been sick for days and wondered if I would feel up to an evening of excessive imbibing and possible herbal condiments 😉

So still feeling congested ( but almost normal) I messaged my beautiful friend about us hanging out New Years Eve. She was enthusiastic but concerned about my health. I assured her I'd be more than happy to have their company. Besides, they plan to leave for Vietnam in early July....to live there for a year with a view making it their permanent home.They are usually over seas this time of year so it was a unique opportunity!!

I firmly believe that feeling happy and sharing laughter with people who 'get you' is the best form of immune system booster!!

It was a great night. I feel slightly hung over - but in a positive' hey that was heaps of fun' kind of way!!

I've been reflecting on this whole love thing. We tell family and friends that we love them.Is love a deep feeling of connection?  When we profess our love are we saying that we really care about those people? That we want what's best for them? And when it comes to family in particular - even when they treat us like shit we still feel that connection/concern/love for them??

Maybe, saying "I really like you!"  is even more important. When I genuinely like someone I enjoy spending time with them. I want to make time for that person - because I chose to, not because I am doing it out of obligation/the 'right' thing to do...

I am reluctant to admit this, but there aren't too many people on my " I really like you!" list. There are tons on my "Love You" list...( And there's a  subset of people who've made it into both😊)

This New Year, hell!! New Decade, has already started to roll... What do I want for my life in the weeks,months, years to come...??

Time for fun

Time for real meaningful connections

Time to be creative - in whatever ways that grab me!

To make a positive contribution to those around me without setting myself on fire...( Don't set yourself on fire in order to keep others warm)

To relinquish my job of  ' emotional caretaker '

More plants more walking

Be less fearful

Be less judgmental/critical - of myself and others.

Try to hold on to positive thoughts.

Geeze....I think I'll need some hops and herbs to help me accomplish that lot!!! 😉


 Lizzie E 💗











😀

A little bit of paradise

Every Thursday afternoon you'll find me battling the heavy after school traffic in order to get my kids to their music lessons by 4pm. Usually there are arguments between 15 year old son and 12 year old daughter which just adds to my stress levels!

When we arrive at our destination though, I find that my stress ( mostly!) evaporates due to the picturesque surroundings of a little place called Griffin. A tiny community  on the shores of the Pine River. It's really only one street with a road running off the main area.

At the approach to Griffin there is an environmental center called Osprey House, dedicated to the preservation of the mangroves and the wildlife who live there. Osprey House has an important role in educating the public and has school holiday programs for kids too. ( My daughter has attended one)

While my kids are being educated musically, I like to walk the length of the main street with its spectacular river views. I make my way to the environmental center and proceed along the wooden walkways which are built amongst the mangroves.

The endorphins kick in as I walk at Griffin - the gorgeous surroundings and peace are just as good as a hit of dark chocolate! It's great to see people out walking their dogs, kids playing in the playground and fellas trying their luck at fishing.

At the end of the hour when it's time to head home, I definitely feel better. Driving in the heavy traffic doesn't even seem so bad - or listening to the arguments of my offspring!